There's No Such Thing as a Balanced Life
If you're a coach, a business person, a busy person, an overwhelmed person, you're probably seeking what the 'experts' call - balance.
While this sounds great, it's an unrealistic term that sets you up for failure.
I know I'll probably get a lot of heat from people out there (and especially coaches) because I should know better as I'm a coach, but I'm tired of hearing the word balance. Frankly, we use it too much and it only makes us feel worse about our lives.
Here are the fallacies with using the word:
1. What does balance mean to you? Here's where the first problem starts. Everyone's idea of balance is different, therefore a guru telling you what looks 'normal' in your life has no idea. They may work 60 hours a week and feel healthy, happy and secure. You may work 40 and think you're working too much because you have another job and six children.
2. Nothing in life is static: It's impossible to have a total balance in your life. Just when your finances are improving, your relationship with your significant other may be going through a challenge. You may have one area of your life shine, and another area needs work. As a coach, I work on all areas to improve them and while most areas may be great, life happens.
You may have everything appearing to be in balance and then you get laid off at work. Your finances, career, relationships may be great and then your father passes away. There is no permanent balance - life is constantly growing and changing. In fact, the universe is still continuing to expand.
Life is like that - unpredicatable, uncontrollable...all you can do is control your beliefs and actions.
3. Being caught up in the word 'balance' can make you feel depressed, frustrated and downright miserable. As mentioned earlier, there will always be one area of your life that's weaker than the rest - if only for a short time. This word should only be used to mention credits and debits, scales, what's left of something or a weighing device.
4. Use a different word for your life: Instead of balance, you should be focusing on a word that mentions how you are constantly changing and growing to create the life and world you desire.
5. Be more accepting of life: We spend a lot of time fighting and complaining about our situation in life. In Buddhism, the teachings talk about accepting and making peace with your life, no matter how good or bad. This isn't easy, but a softer heart and lack of cynicism will make your life more enjoyable and you will have a chance to positively affect the lives of others.
6. It's about prioritizing: Forget balance, life is a smorgasboard of choices. It's about what you decide to believe in, who you hang out with, what you do for work, how you spend your time. If you're not sure what your priorities are, simply open your calendar and study the time and activities that fill your book. Is your time spent shopping, being with family, working, playing, creating, loving, making a difference?
As a last note to help you in 2008, skip the word balance, and go for passion!
Lisa Rickwood, "Small Biz Stress Buster," is a small business coach, visual artist and author of Escape The Pace: 100 Fun And Easy Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy Your Life and co-author of Power & Soul: 42 Successful Entrepreneurs Share their Secrets for Creating the Business and Life of Their Dreams. She helps small business owners ‘master stress for professional and personal success.’ Get your FREE e-book, 5 Critical Actions That Hurt Your Business and Add Stress to Your Life…and How to Escape Them by visiting: http://www.escapethepace.com
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Why New Year's Resolutions Fail and How to Avoid Failure
Quick - did you make New Year's Resolutions for 2007? Did most of your goals come true? If not, you're not alone.
If you've ever planned to quit smoking, lose weight, make more money, be a better person...you may have failed because you didn't know the rules.
If you want this year to be different, you must know the secrets to goal success. Here are some rules to get you started:
1. Clear, timed, defined goals: You need to write down your goals on paper, have a date when you know you'll reach the goal and the goal should point to your larger life vision. Build a contingency plan into your goals so that if you don't receive your goals exactly on time or exactly as you planned, you allow for it.
2. Life Vision: All your goals/resolutions should fit into your larger life picture. What is your picture? It's how you imagine spending your days, how will you work, travel, help others, how much money will you have, how healthy will you be, etc. You need to know how you want to live so you know if the small goals fit into the larger picture. You'll save time, money and eliminate stress.
3. Passion: If you don't have passion (deep feelings) you will not recieve your goals. For example, if you want to lose 10 pounds because you think you look "heavy" but you're not passionate about losing the weight, you won't lose it. You have to feel yourself putting on your "skinny" jeans, slipping into that skimpy bathing suit, etc.
4. With passion is pain: In order to grow and stretch, you must feel pain to initially move ahead. For example, if you're working at a dead-end job, you must feel the pain of that job and be inspired enough to take a risk and make changes. There must be enough pain to push you to passion to get out of your comfort zone to make changes.
5. Let go of your comfort zone: If you want to grow at all, there will be pain, fear, doubt - get used it, it's all part of growing. Ever hear of growing pains? Little children get these pains in their legs when their bones grow quickly. It happened to my six foot, 14 year-old who's still growing. He's okay with it though - no one picks on him in High School.
6. Receive the Goal: People have this idea that they they will achieve the goal, but you receive the goal or resolution. When you have planned, had passion, and followed through, you receive the goal. Be sure it's what you want when you get it. (If you did your pre-planning, this won't be a problem)
7. Set another goal before your last ones are done: People always ask me how to fil the emptiness once they've received their goal. The secret is this: have another goal set up before your complete this current one; this way you can slide into the next thing without the 'lull."
8. Celebrate your success: We often move from one thing to another and don't take enough time to celebrate our successes. Take the time - you'll feel complete and happy.
9. Have a coach, a mentor, belong to a network or mastermind group: If you study the most successful people, you will find they have mentors,coaches and networks. Instead of slowly climbing the success ladder, you can use the skills and talents of others and avoid frustration and spending too much time and money. You literally 'leap-frog' above your competition. Doesn't this make more sense than trying to 'do it all alone?'
Experts suggest many things when setting resolutions and goals. These are just a few key secrets to help you get started. Happy 2008.
Lisa Rickwood, "Small Biz Stress Buster," is a small business coach, visual artist and author of Escape The Pace: 100 Fun And Easy Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy Your Life and co-author of Power & Soul: 42 Successful Entrepreneurs Share their Secrets for Creating the Business and Life of Their Dreams. She helps small business owners ‘master stress for professional and personal success.’ Get your FREE e-book, 5 Critical Actions That Hurt Your Business and Add Stress to Your Life…and How to Escape Them by visiting: http://www.escapethepace.com/
Quick - did you make New Year's Resolutions for 2007? Did most of your goals come true? If not, you're not alone.
If you've ever planned to quit smoking, lose weight, make more money, be a better person...you may have failed because you didn't know the rules.
If you want this year to be different, you must know the secrets to goal success. Here are some rules to get you started:
1. Clear, timed, defined goals: You need to write down your goals on paper, have a date when you know you'll reach the goal and the goal should point to your larger life vision. Build a contingency plan into your goals so that if you don't receive your goals exactly on time or exactly as you planned, you allow for it.
2. Life Vision: All your goals/resolutions should fit into your larger life picture. What is your picture? It's how you imagine spending your days, how will you work, travel, help others, how much money will you have, how healthy will you be, etc. You need to know how you want to live so you know if the small goals fit into the larger picture. You'll save time, money and eliminate stress.
3. Passion: If you don't have passion (deep feelings) you will not recieve your goals. For example, if you want to lose 10 pounds because you think you look "heavy" but you're not passionate about losing the weight, you won't lose it. You have to feel yourself putting on your "skinny" jeans, slipping into that skimpy bathing suit, etc.
4. With passion is pain: In order to grow and stretch, you must feel pain to initially move ahead. For example, if you're working at a dead-end job, you must feel the pain of that job and be inspired enough to take a risk and make changes. There must be enough pain to push you to passion to get out of your comfort zone to make changes.
5. Let go of your comfort zone: If you want to grow at all, there will be pain, fear, doubt - get used it, it's all part of growing. Ever hear of growing pains? Little children get these pains in their legs when their bones grow quickly. It happened to my six foot, 14 year-old who's still growing. He's okay with it though - no one picks on him in High School.
6. Receive the Goal: People have this idea that they they will achieve the goal, but you receive the goal or resolution. When you have planned, had passion, and followed through, you receive the goal. Be sure it's what you want when you get it. (If you did your pre-planning, this won't be a problem)
7. Set another goal before your last ones are done: People always ask me how to fil the emptiness once they've received their goal. The secret is this: have another goal set up before your complete this current one; this way you can slide into the next thing without the 'lull."
8. Celebrate your success: We often move from one thing to another and don't take enough time to celebrate our successes. Take the time - you'll feel complete and happy.
9. Have a coach, a mentor, belong to a network or mastermind group: If you study the most successful people, you will find they have mentors,coaches and networks. Instead of slowly climbing the success ladder, you can use the skills and talents of others and avoid frustration and spending too much time and money. You literally 'leap-frog' above your competition. Doesn't this make more sense than trying to 'do it all alone?'
Experts suggest many things when setting resolutions and goals. These are just a few key secrets to help you get started. Happy 2008.
Lisa Rickwood, "Small Biz Stress Buster," is a small business coach, visual artist and author of Escape The Pace: 100 Fun And Easy Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy Your Life and co-author of Power & Soul: 42 Successful Entrepreneurs Share their Secrets for Creating the Business and Life of Their Dreams. She helps small business owners ‘master stress for professional and personal success.’ Get your FREE e-book, 5 Critical Actions That Hurt Your Business and Add Stress to Your Life…and How to Escape Them by visiting: http://www.escapethepace.com/
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